“Christ’s Alter Ego” Fancies Toying Bra Straps

      Nothing remotely lascivious about that.  Neither does “putting one’s arm around some girls’ shoulders, nor touching their arms and back”.  There simply is no consideration to mistrust one’s “style” of hearing confessions.  The penitents must be a troubled lot.  They – especially the girls - certainly need the soothing touch of an absolving hand. You know, women could do with some comforting gestures – that if it necessitates trifling with their bra straps – why not?  A little “pinching” and “tickling” usually do the trick.  Besides, when did it become a sin to express one’s innocuous doting for undergarments?  That he also fancies that… uhm… womanly mounds covered by that captivating bra could only be conjectured by a sullied mind.  

     How dare they put malice to such efficacious confessional “style”! It was, he sincerely stressed, a “matter of routine” – swearing upon the cardinal’s mitre, a method long proven to educe into confession even the most latent of transgressions.   Oh for chrissakes (oops… sorry), “we are not dealing here with an ordinary human being” – he is after all, “an alter ego of Jesus Christ.” To probe the body is to probe the soul, and so caress he must that they be allayed of the weight of their sins.  

     So pitiful these girls are that they were surely pushed by some evil strength in coming out with these incredible accusations.  Indeed, it requires an “unreasonable overstretching of the imagination” to say that the holy man’s bra-strap-fiddling, arm-pinching and back-tickling routine was motivated by some lewd designs.

     It is perhaps, by divine grace, of course coupled with an archaic penal code, prescription of an applicable crime,  and the ecclesiastically judicious Resolution of the City Prosecutor, that the messenger of Christ is cleared of these unfounded charges. 

(note: recall I blogged on this incident several months back "Mystery Father Harasser")

(I have to insert this caveat: In case you don't get this, the post is meant to be a satire, which is - though I have no pretensions of being a literary savant - a kind of literary style)